Follow your heart

Paul and I will be flying back home in 3 days time after 18 months of travelling around the world. We decided to spend our last week in an Ashram, something both of us had never experienced before. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to rest and reflect over the past 18 months, and also look at how I felt about going back home to London.

When we get back home, Paul and I have promised ourselves not to get a job, and instead find ways of making our own money, through doing things we love. It’s a big promise and it’s also quite scary not to have the security of a well paid job to go to. Especially since that’s what I’ve been used to for the past 15 years.

But back to the Ashram. Our first day’s meditations brought up a huge feeling of fear in me. My mind was literally freaking out at the thought of not getting a job. The recurring thought that went over and over in my mind was ‘how the hell will we pay our rent??!!!’

The next day, Samaya (the guy who owns the Ashram) was talking to the whole group and said the perfect words I needed to hear. ‘In life we need to take risks. That is the only way we can feel alive, experience the real juice of life. If you don’t take risks in life, you’ll never lose any money, you’ll never get hurt, you’ll rarely make mistakes. But you’ll also not truly live’.

20 years ago when he decided to sell his business in Maui, Hawaii and buy a 100 acres of land in Australia his family thought he was crazy. ‘What will you do when you’re 80 years old and you’re alone in the middle of nowhere with a 100 acres of land no one wants to buy?’ Well he’s 82 now, although he looks about 60 and he’s surrounded by a group of young people who love and care for him and also look to him for advice. In his words ‘they keep me alive’.

His words and his story took me from fearing the future to celebrating the fact that Paul and I have chosen to do it our way. True we don’t have any guarantees that we’ll be able to pay the rent, and who knows we may even have to sleep on our friends’ floors in the near future, but will that be such a big disaster?

I think the real disaster would have been for us to throw away the sense of freedom and the joy we’ve felt over the past 18 months and get a nice secure job that didn’t exactly fulfil us just so we could make sure to pay our rent.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure there are many people out there who have jobs they love and that fulfil them. Equally there are many of us out there who feel just the opposite.

So if you’re living a life that doesn’t excite you, or bring you much joy, if you’re living for the weekend, keep in mind that, THAT is the price you are paying for your security, for not taking a risk.

It’s a high price to pay.

Are you willing to pay it?

With love

Karen

xx
P.S. I’d love to hear what risks you would take to create a more fulfilling life, or if you’ve taken a huge risk that’s brought great returns. Leave your comments below or email me at [email protected]

Overcoming our fears can be incredibly liberating. It allows us to do so many things that we’ve only dreamt about in the past. It allows us to take those risks than can be truly life-changing. And the best bit is, that once we’ve consciously worked at overcoming a particular fear, it gives us more confidence to tackle other fears, leading to an upward spiral of fear-busting awesomeness!

If anyone had told me a few years ago that I’d be diving at night, to look for reef sharks in the deep dark waters I’d have laughed at them. What kind of person does that?! Well it turns out that since last night I’m that kind of person. When we saw our first reef shark – a 2.5 metre giant my immediate reaction was a less printable verion of ‘GULP!’. At the same time it was THRILLING and oh so exhilarating.

Just before I dived in I remembered a great quote I’ve recently read in Nelson Mandela’s biography

‘Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to conquer it.’

Which kind of makes me a very courageous person, because a lot of things I do scare the ‘bejeezus’ out of me. This is how I’ve managed to conquer many of my fears:

1. Spell them out

Either by writing them down or discussing them with someone. When fears are out of our head and into the open, they can lose quite a lot of their power. For more about this check out an earlier blog I wrote here.

Fear-busting question: What are the fears that are holding you back?

2. Take baby steps

Breaking down whatever scares us into smaller related challenges can help us build our confidence gradually so that when we come to face our fear in full, it does not feel like such a big deal.

My night dive with sharks was clearly not my first dive. I built my confidence by diving in easier conditions on many occasions beforehand. Similarly if we take public speaking as an example, we could practice on our family and friends, before moving on to our colleagues and eventually to a larger group of people. If we want our own business, start it part-time before quitting the job.

Fear-busting question: What small actions will help you build up to face a big fear?

3. Speak to someone who’s done it

Whatever it is that we want to do, someone’s very likely to have done it before us. Reaching out to these people can help us get a better understanding of what it’s really like. So if we’re thinking of starting our own business the best people to speak to are those that have already done it. Different people will have different experiences so it’s a good idea to reach out to a number of people instead of just one.

The beauty of social media is that it allows us to access a massive group of individuals just by asking our friends if they know someone, who knows someone who’s done whatever we want to do.

Fear-busting question: What questions will you ask once you’ve met someone who’s done it before?

4. Practice at feeling scared

We can actually practice at being scared and not losing it by deliberately doing things that scare us. It could be something completely unrelated to what we’re trying to conquer – the point is to feel that feeling of fear and know that your world isn’t about to end. Even if it’s just smiling to a stranger or taking a roller-coaster ride, doing little things will help us build up to the big things.

Fear busting question: What little things can you do for the next 10 days to practice at being scared?

5. Steer clear of the nay-sayers

We all know people who would rather eat their hat than take a risk. They take great pleasure in thinking about all the possible disasters that could happen and why it’s a bad idea to take a risk or do anything that’s unconventional. These aren’t the people who will help you live an extraordinary life that brings you great joy and satisfaction.

I prefer to take my advice from people who are living lives that excite me, lives that are my idea of success. I don’t necessarily need to know these people. If I want business advice, I’d rather look at how Richard Branson would have tackled it, rather than ask a friend who’s spent their whole lives in a 9 to 5 job.

Fear-busting question(s): Who is currently discouraging you from going for what you want? Are they living the kind of life you’d want for yourself? Is there a public figure you admire that has done what you want to do? What can you learn from them?

6. Breathe and re-frame

When you do decide to jump in I promise you, you will feel your heart beating faster, butterflies in your stomach and a huge desire to run. It’s your body’s natural response to fear. I remember when I first landed in London with my big blue suitcase, a £15000 loan and not much else. The enormity of doing a Master’s degree in a foreign country hit me with full force, the fear kicked in and the only thought running through my head was “what have I done?!!”

When this happens remember Mr. Mandela’s wise words, and breathe! To be exact, breathe in for a count of 7 and out for a count of 12 – just letting the air come out gently instead of blowing it out. Repeat for 5 times and your body should have naturally calmed down.

Because our brain interprets the feeling of excitement and fear in the same way, if we force ourselves to think about how exciting this adventure we’ve taken is instead of the ‘what have I done?!’ type of thought, our mind will soon be convinced that we’re not scared, we’re excited!

7. Use past success to get more courage

In some shape or form we’ve all conquered a fear in the past. We’ve all done something that’s scared us and lived to tell the tale. Reminding ourselves of past success helps to reassure us that we’ve been in this situation before and we’ve managed.

Fear-busting question(s): What are you proud of having achieved in your life? How did you feel at the start of that challenge? What helped you persevere until you succeeded?

I hope this post helps you overcome those fears that are holding you back. I’d love to hear your answer to this question:

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Post your answers below or e-mail me at [email protected]

With love

Karen

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P.P.S Shark! - Atlantis Resort Aquariums, a photo by Dave Allen Photography on Flickr.

This week’s post is a day earlier than scheduled. Tomorrow I’ll be sailing around the fabled Whitsundays on Australia’s east coast – the last adventure before Paul and I return home after 18 months of travel.

What a year it’s been! I must admit, I was quite sad to bid farewell to 2011. It’s been the most spectacular year of my life. The year ended with Paul proposing to me on Sydney Harbor Bridge. How do you beat that?!!

I’ve never felt so free or happy or alive in the 34 years I’ve been on this planet. I think this was due to many things but the 3 that stand out are:

I was following a dream I’ve had for this past decade
I was sharing it with someone I truly love and connect with
I was totally free – there were no ‘shoulds’ or ‘musts’ in my life. I did whatever I felt like doing.

I’ve known about the first two elements ever since Paul and I took our first train out of London 18 months ago. But the 3^rd element has been a recent revelation. It’s what’s inspired my commitment for this year.

I’ve decided that this year I’m going to snub resolutions and (gasp oh gosh) even goals! My commitment instead is to celebrate all the bits about me. Out with the ‘must achieve, or change’ and in with the ‘I like this about me and my life because’.

I’m sure many of you will find this counter intuitive. Surely we must have some kind of strategy to achieve anything in life. And maybe you’re right. I’ve been following that formula for quite some time in my life and truth be told, it has helped me achieve lots of stuff. But did it make me happier?

I was lucky in that I chose to test this out. A whole year of travel – no work, no goals, just my partner in crime, a back-pack and a sense of adventure is all I left London with.

Some people might look at what eventually turned out to be 18 months of travel as a waste. I spent all my savings, put my career on hold and chose not to put a deposit on a house. I’ve basically left everything I’d built over the past 10 years of living in London.

On the other hand I’ve learnt so much about the world and about myself, that I can’t even put a value to it.

Two of the major things I’ve learnt this year (amongst many) are that:

If I met the person I’d been trying to become – the thinner, more confident, self-assured, high achiever, super witty, extra clever, perfectly rounded gal… she would have scared me silly!
The absence of ‘shoulds’ has meant I’ve laughed more, loved more, chatted to far more strangers, enjoyed more, connected more and funnily enough lived more.

So if you think the latter lesson is more important than achieving more here’s my proposition to you. Start the year by celebrating all things you. Do more of the stuff you love, less of the stuff you hate, cherish the quirks for they’re the things that set you apart and just celebrate you! No attempts to change, just attempts to accept and appreciate.

Here’s to a year full of magic and miracles

With love

Karen

xxxxx

P.S. Firework Photography 101, a photo by Matt Pasant on Flickr.

P.P.S. I said yes!

This week’s post was inspired by a trip Paul and I took along Australia’s Great Ocean Road. I could easily get sidetracked telling you about the most amazing views of the ocean I’ve ever seen but that’s not what got me thinking.

It was the fire I built that did that.

One failed attempt, 3 conversations with fellow campers, 5 kilos of kindle and a pack of fire-starters later I had a wonderful fire going. The flames were high, the ambers bright red, and the heat so great it burnt our sweet-corn to a fine black crisp.

When Paul and I were desperate for some sleep the fire was still roaring in all its glory, showing no signs of retreat. We followed the campsite’s rules and poured water all over it before going to sleep. Out came the jerrycan and 3 seconds of water pouring later this beautiful magical thing was turned into black, wet cinder. It was as easy as that to kill it.

It struck me that sometimes we do the same to our ideas and our dreams.

We start a project, we get excited by it, we invest time and energy in it…then something goes wrong, or not according to plan. Out comes the jerrycan and *!pooof*! before we know it, the project is dead!

We think of the biggest thing we’d love to do in our lives, it feels great just to think about it. Our heart swoons, our body screams YES! …then out comes the mind’s artillery giving us a million and one reasons why we’re being silly even considering the thought. The jerrycan is lifted and *!pooof*!, the dream is assassinated.

The good news is that with enough time, the water evaporates and that cinder can be re-lit back to the great fire it once was. The same goes for all our dreams and ideas.

So here’s a suggestion. Over the next couple of weeks, given that it’s the end of the year and a great time for reflection (in between the partying and the shopping) we’ll keep an eye out for an idea or a dream we’ve exterminated in the past year. One that we regret having killed off.

Once we’ve found it, let’s commit to spending 15 minutes a day, every day, doing something that gets us closer to making it happen. Choose a specific start date and try it out for 30 days.

The investment is relatively small, and the returns could be very high. I know people who have written doctorate theses in this way.

So get out your kindle (not the e-book reading variety) and your firewood and re-light something that inspires and excites you. Give it a good shot for 30 days. You’ll be surprised at what comes out of it.

I’d love to hear what ideas you’ve decided to revive. You can comment here or e-mail me at [email protected].

With love

Karen

P.S. This is my last post of the year so hope you enjoy the season’s festivities and see you in the New Year. My next blog will be sent out on Monday 9^th January.

P.P.S. If you liked this post please share with your friends using the sharing buttons below.
173/365 Die Danbos am Lagerfeuer / The Danbos at the campfire, a photo by excomedia on Flickr.

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