Jun 192013
 

Self-Employment: 10 Lessons Learnt From Following a Big Dream

As I sit in the lobby of a bank’s headquarters, waiting to deliver a talk, it’s just hit me that this month is my 3rd anniversary of leaving full-time employment.

Escaping the land of jobs had been a big dream of mine for at least 5 years before I actually took the plunge. It was one of those dreams that I’d packed away into a ‘nice but too scary’ box and left it there until the effort of staying in employment was literally making me sick.

In my last year of employment I ended up in hospital no less than 5 times. It sounds so dramatic until I explain that 3 of those times were due to a sore throat (!) and the other 2 were due to suspected appendicitis. Despite the benign nature of my maladies, it was clear that my immune system was sending me huge signals that something needed to change.

My escape started by taking a year off to travel, which soon turned into 18 glorious months of exploring this beautiful and crazy world of ours. It was the experience I needed to set me free and the fulfilment of another of my biggest dreams.

Upon my return to London I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do but I was very clear that I was going to be self-employed. I’d just fulfilled my big dream to travel and decided I was on a roll, I’d check off the next big dream – self-employment.

The first few months were a mixture of huge excitement as well as serious bouts of anxiety. I had a rough plan of doing freelance work for my ex-employers, but I had no guarantee I would earn enough to pay the rent.

Although it was scary, this very clear departure from the land of jobs meant I focused my energies on making it work, rather than on whether I should do it or not.

It turned out that the risk paid off. I’ve worked less, earned more and had a lot of fun doing work I love. No Sunday Blues, no stress and best of all no hospitals.

Better yet I’ve learnt some valuable lessons along the way. Here are my top 10 in no particular order.

  1. Worrying about the future or the past, is all wasted energy. Focusing on what you can do about it is what helps you get through.
  2. Action rather than planning is what gets you results.
  3. Surround yourself with like-minded people and what you’re doing becomes the norm rather than the exception.
  4. Keep investing in your learning and growth.
  5. There are days when you just need to give yourself a break – that’s ok.
  6. It’s important to stop and consider if you’re being a lousy boss to yourself.
  7. Don’t let the paperwork pile up.
  8. When we say ‘yes’ to things we don’t particularly enjoy, we’re also saying ‘no’ to opportunities that might be a better fit.
  9. You don’t need to do it alone. Teaming up with someone makes the whole project easier.
  10. Following these ideals is tough, but it’s worth the effort.

What lessons have you learnt from following a big dream?

 

May 132013
 

English: Small plants grow in the blazing Carr...

How to succeed when you feel like giving up

Let’s face it. Following a big dream isn’t easy. It involves a lot of risk and effort nicely combined with a huge chunk of uncertainty. While we often read of inspiring achievements and fantastic results, we rarely hear about the sleepless nights, the bouts of confusion, the knock-backs and the anxiety.

The truth is, if it was easy to make a big dream happen we’d all do it. There are many would rather keep on living in the ‘land of blah’ than put themselves in a situation that involves so much discomfort. Others try but when things going awry, give up and revert back to the safe old ways.

So what is it that pushes others all the way, what helps them achieve what they want regardless of what gets in their way?

Enter Salvatore Maddi, a psychologist who spent 12 years studying what helped people thrive in a difficult environment and we get our answer.

While we might think that success in a tough environment is related to intelligence or experience or luck, Dr. Maddi discovered that it is related to something different. All the people who thrived in a tough environment had one key thing in common and that key thing was RESILIENCE.

With resilience there’s some bad news and some good news.

People who have faced a lifetime of adversity show higher levels of resilience. This is probably why we often hear of super-stars who attribute their difficult childhood to their determination to succeed - Oprah Winfrey is a great example of this.

The bad news is that if you’ve had an easy life so far, chances are you may need to work on your resilience.

The good news is that resilience is a SKILL that we can all learn and develop. It’s not something that we’re either born with or without but something that we can nurture and grow.

So here are some quick tips you can use to help you feel more resilient when the going gets tough.

Resilience-building tips

Identify your resilience-killing thinking

Are you telling yourself that you can’t cope or that you’ve got everything to lose? Write these thoughts down and check whether you’re being realistic or a tad dramatic.

Replace them with resilience building thoughts.

Consider someone you know, or know of, whom you think would deal with this in a resilient way. (Richard Branson always works for me). Channel this person and think of what their thinking would be in this situation.

Take control

Focus on 1 action you can take to help you move forward and go do it. When it’s done focus on 1 more action and repeat.

Connect

This is especially important if you’re feeling isolated. Talk to someone who you know can make you feel better. Join a group of like-minded people and ask for support. (Incidentally I have created a Facebook Group for people who are following big dreams – e-mail me at [email protected] if you’d like to join and I’d be thrilled to add you to the group).

I hope you find these tips useful and I’d love to hear how you’ve used them.

 

What other strategies do you use to stop yourself from giving up? Share these in the comments below - you might make a huge difference in someone else’s life.

 

 

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Jan 162013
 

 

My current office view. In Bueng Pai Farm - Pai, Thailand.

 

 

For the past 5 days I’ve been living another long held dream of mine. I’ve escaped the British winter and am spending the next 3 months in Thailand. I’m thrilled and I hope this escape will be a yearly occurrence. Making this happen has taught me something crucial about helping us stick to our promises, goals and dreams.

The decision to leave London did not come without risks and I have to admit I’ve had quite a few sleepless nights when no one showed an interest in sub-letting our flat. I was also quite anxious about leaving London when I was getting great coaching and facilitation work as an associate of one of the best training organisations in the UK. Would they keep on giving me work on my return?

Despite this I had no doubt about my intention to get my @ss to Asia. I booked our flights over 6 months ago knowing full well that whatever it took, I would make it happen.

It got me wondering where all this certainty and confidence came from. I mean there are some things I’ve wanted to achieve for ages, what had stopped me from being this gung ho about them?

Case in point, as I was packing my belongings I came across 2 HUGE stacks of ‘when I lose a dress size’ clothes. I’ve had them for 4 years – they’re out of fashion but I cannot bear to part with them. I’ve been meaning to lose a dress size for ages but somehow I’ve never really bothered to make it happen.

So what was different about my Asia goal? What made me willing to take such a high level of risk? I’m not an unshakable, unflappable mountain of strength after all.

I think it boils down to 1 thing.

WANT vs. SHOULD

My goal to get to Asia is something I really WANT. I’m extremely connected to my desire to make this happen. I’m very clear on the WHY and the benefits I’ll get from this goal. When our subconscious is this connected to our desire we’re literally pulled towards what we want and taking action becomes a lot easier. It might still be scary, it might still give us heart palpitations but something deep inside wills us to keep going.

I’ve realised that some goals I’ve set myself in the past (like losing a dress size) are more about things I think I SHOULD be doing and therein lies the problem. SHOULD motivates no one. In fact, if you’re a little rebellious like me you might even take pleasure from laughing in the face of SHOULD and doing the exact opposite, like putting on a dress size for example (oops).

Does this mean that we can just give up on any ‘SHOULD’ goals? Not necessarily.

Armed with the knowledge that it’s the WANT goals that we enjoy making happen it might be worth looking at our SHOULD goals from a different perspective. How could you turn a SHOULD goal into a WANT one?

So while ‘losing a dress size’ does nothing for my motivation, ‘Vitality, Lightness & Energy’ might just get me to keep away from the carbs and eat my veggies.

See I’m already eating more protein…at Taling Chan floating market Bangkok

How about you? Is there something you’ve been putting off for ages? Is it a WANT or a SHOULD type of goal? If you did achieve it, would your life benefit in some way? If the answer is yes it may be worth exploring how you can turn it into a WANT goal.

What benefits get you excited and motivated? How can you remind yourself of them on a daily basis?

And when you’ve turned your SHOULD goal into a WANT goal, I’d love to hear about it.

With love
Karen

P.S. Yes I did manage to sub-let my flat, and the Training company even gave me some work in Singapore & Dubai! It always works out in the end,

and if it hasn’t worked out yet, it’s not the end…..

Feb 142012
 

These past 2 weeks have been an illuminating experience on how great I am at ‘illusionary busyness’. Whilst Paul and I are in the in-between place of visiting family and settling down since we got back from our travels we also want to get started on building our businesses.

Since my mornings are usually free, I’ve been sitting religiously at my laptop to ‘work’ on my website. I have spent hours in deep concentration, jumping from one website to another reading about all sorts of things that I’m convinced will make ALL the difference to building a successful business online. In between I’ve checked my e-mail a thousand times, and every time I see a little number next to my Facebook tab I have to go and check what’s happening in my social world lest I miss anything.

I’ve spent precious hours in front of this screen and sure I now know what SEO actually stands for and the meaning ‘Google keywords’ but not one thing has changed on my website. Nada, Zilch! Oh dear!

So today I’ve started the day with a different tactic.

I’ve actually written down 5 things I will get done. I’ve left my Facebook closed, resisted clicking on that great looking article my friend sent me via e-mail (I still haven’t managed to avoid my morning e-mails yet) and I’ve given myself an hour to write this post.

When I wrote down my goals I used the 80/20 rule to help me choose which things will make most difference to my website so that if I stick to my guns and get the things done today, I’ll have accomplished quite a bit.

The thing is, I know about all sorts of productivity techniques, I even teach them to others for crying out loud! Not that anyone needs to learn how to be productive. Deep down we all know how to do it. BUT there’s a sea of difference between knowing and doing.

For me, that sea is made up of awareness. Seeing how little I’ve done over the past 2 weeks isn’t a pretty sight but it’s jolted me into being a little bit more productive this morning. I think it also had something to do with a great quote I came across yesterday:

“Next year you’ll wish you started today”

I’m curious, what project comes to mind when you see that quote? What would you start today if you were guaranteed a successful outcome in a year’s time? What would you accomplish if you spent an hour or so a day working on your project for the next 365 days?

For me, it’s this website. What about you?

With love

Karen

xx

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Photo is by Sergiu Bacioiu

Oct 072011
 

I spent my first year as a psychologist working for a manufacturing company. It was an interesting year where I had to work hard to convince the managers that what I did wasn’t ‘fuzzy wuzzy’ stuff (their words not mine).

I could tell you the long process that goes into creating an o-ring but fortunately I left with a far more interesting lesson.

Continuous Improvement. In manufacturing they don’t wait until they’ve perfected a process to start it, they do it the other way round. First they start the process and then they improve as they go along.

When it comes to doing those big things we dream about we often do the exact opposite. We wait for the right time, we wait till we’ve got all the answers, we wait till we’ve checked out out all the risks, done enough research, spoken to enough people. We wait and wait and wait. Chances are we’re still waiting.

In the spirit of practicing what I preach I’ve launched my site today, I got a twitter account, and published a couple of posts. Sure there’s a zillion things I still need to do, and I’m sorry if some of it is not too easy on the eye. But at least I’ve started, it can only get better along the way!

Karen

P.S. What would you start today if you stopped waiting for the perfect time?

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